Beware of Tortoise Rant!…Beware of Tortoise Rant!…Beware of Tortoise Rant!…
Unfortunately, there’s been some serious talk about reducing the number of dandelions on the Dandelion Hall estate. This proposed – deplorable – action is supposed to be of benefit to all. But I refuse to just stick my head in my shell and say nothing!
I clearly object!
Grumpy John The Gardener is acting all uppity ever since that last beer concoction he managed to brew at the Gatehouse. The only attempt that didn’t blow up. Of course, Lady Millicent is going about, as usual, with her head in the clouds. She has no idea of what is really going on. She never does. She floats about in those long tea-dresses, wide brimmed straw hat atop her tomato-red face, wagging fingers disdainfully at my dandelions. And don’t tell me that I haven’t noticed the sudden decline in the dandelion population, already!
A tortoise notices these things.
I suspect – and Oscar also has the notion – that Grumpy John is stealing as many dandelions as possible. Why? To brew his Dandelion Beer of course. CoCo, whilst on her nightly bathroom jaunts in the far reaches of the gardens has happened upon unsavoury characters hanging about the Gatehouse. Why you may ask? Dear reader I’ll ask you a question of my own: Do unsavoury characters get drunk, or what?!
“Moonlighting!” Oscar declared yesterday.
And I very agreeably nodded.
Not only is the dastardly gardener stealing my dandelions – and in doing so will be slowly rendering my diet inadequate – but he is profiteering off them. In his ruse he’s getting Millicent worried about the impact of the dandelions in parts of the gardens. What the paying customers will think of seeing one too many dandelion. And this is one of those areas where I cannot connect with the human race: they generally see dandelions as an irritation! An invasive good-for-nothing weed! The same goes for daisies (my beautiful namesake). Do they – the humans – not realise how we need ‘weeds’? The pollunating insects, the fruit and the food, and the need to eat to survive? The whole eco-system thing!
Alright, I need to take a pause. I’m too worked up to go on.
OK I’m feeling a little less stressed now, nibbling on a dandelion leaf helped somewhat. (It’s a tonic didn’t you know?)
So, in summary: Grumpy John is stealing the dandelions to make beer to sell to the unsavouries. He is profiteering from my dandelions. No good will come of it. And whilst doing so he is manipulating the facts to appear to Lady Millicent as helpful – because “…no reasonable paying guest to the gardens at Dandelion Hall wants to see any dandelions.”
Shouldn’t there be dandelions there?
Dearest reader, please do get outside, pick some daisies and admire a few dandelions. It will do you the world of good.
Oh, and if you happen upon our pilfering gardener whilst visiting the Dandelion Hall gardens, do give him a solid kick up the backside! (Make sure it’s the one with the overhanging gut and not his young assistant).
Copyright Faith McCord 2016
Story and artwork belongs to Faith McCord who is the author and artist holding the copyright. This is not a public domain work. Worldwide rights.